Realizations

I've spent the last four or five days "waiting" until I had the "time" to post ... but realistically I'll never have the time if I keep waiting for it. One would think that I would have learned that lesson by now.

I picked up a new book a bit over a week ago. I'd finished reading the required and optional books for this term and I was having a particularly frustrating day at work (fixing yet more work done by a former colleague who apparently was much more unhappy than any of us realized ... if the state of his work is any example). By lunch time I had a horrible headache (bordering on a migraine)... I couldn't go home... so I went for a walk instead and ended up at the bookstore (about a 15 min walk from work). The walk helped my headache (just getting out of the building probably did wonders too)... so I was in a much better mood by the time I arrived at the bookstore. As I wandered the isles, several titles caught my eye. As usual, I wanted to buy them all - but I refrained (telling myself that I had to save my "book" money for next term's reading)... but then... I saw a little yellow book sitting on a table full of much larger and more impressive looking books. The title read: "The Art of Possibility - Transforming Professional and Personal Life" by Rosamund Stone Zander and Banjamin Zander. I picked it up, skimmed a bit of it and found that I didn't want to set it back down. Something told me that I could really use this book. I wandered about the store for another 10 minutes or so, carrying the book the whole time, and realized that I truly didn't want to leave there without it... so I bought it.

I've had time now to read about half the book. One of the most profound ideas (for me) expressed is the idea of letting someone start with an A. For example, "labeling" your students from the beginning as "A" students... this does not mean putting on the proverbial rose colored glasses... it doesn't mean "everyone starts with an A and all you have to do is keep it" either. What it really means is a fundamental internal shift in the way we think about the people we work with, the people we teach, the people we relate to, etc. It means that we assume that they are or want to be engaged and passionate about what they are doing, what they are thinking, what they are learning, etc. It means that when we perceive that someone is not engaged, not connected, not "working hard" - that we don't assume that they are lazy, inferior, etc... rather we assume that there is something amiss that is affecting this otherwise excellent, engaged individual.

As I read this book - I think about my attitude at work. I think especially about my own internal dialogue regarding the work that I do and the work that everyone else does. It is difficult and a bit embarrassing to admit - even in a blog or to myself - but I tend to think that I care more than everyone else. As I apply greater scrutiny to myself - I realize that I've often made an assumption that others just don't really care. It goes hand-in-hand with the idea that "if I want something done right, I must do it myself." It is subtle - I recognize the excellent quality of the work so many of my colleagues do... but I also seem to have an assumption that they would rather be doing something else... that they don't care quite as much... don't have quite the passion that I do. I make this assumption more about some than about others... and there are a few people I don't make it about at all... but as I look closely I realize that I'm basing these judgements on my own definition of what demonstrates engagement, commitment, and passion... I also think that by making the assumption that someone else doesn't care ... or doesn't care as much... I relive myself of any responsibility for whatever might be discouraging them... or I give myself permission to not look and see if there is something that I can do to change the environment.

Ironically - without having a label for it until now - I was most guilty of doing this with the colleague that I now find myself working most closely with. Six months ago - I assumed that he just didn't really care anymore. I "recognized" that he had good reason for it (various issues regarding management, lack of recognition, lack of advancement, etc)... but I also "gave-up" on him before ever really thinking about how I might make a difference. I made the assumption that because I didn't have the power to give him a promotion, a raise, or a bonus... (and those were the things he talked about) - that there was "nothing I could do" and I therefore need not try. When I finally realized that there were other things he was looking for and ways that he and I could work together to achieve them - I, in effect, changed his "grade" in my own mind. I went from thinking about him as someone who didn't really care to thinking about him as someone who cares deeply, has great passion for what he does, and was so disillusioned that he had disengaged as a way of protecting himself from disappointment. Once I gave him the "A" - I naturally started to think of him as a talented professional who I wanted to work with. The growth for both of us over the last few months has been amazing.

But- as I read this book - I realize that I have not given everyone I work with an "A." Maybe that is why they are more certain of their trust in me than they are of my trust in them... maybe they sense that I have been harboring a bit of a superiority complex (hiding it from myself as well as from them).

So - my new challenge is to try to do that - to give them all the A. It isn't about giving someone the "opportunity to rise to the occasion." It isn't even about assuming that they can "rise to the occasion." Rather, it is about knowing that they are already there. I need to look at all my colleagues as professionals who are engaged in and passionate about their work. When I see someone who is disconnected - I need to ask my self "what is amiss.. what has affected this normally passionate and engaged colleague?" I need to stop giving myself permission to be lazy and simply assume that they don't care as much as I do. I need to be carefully aware of when I am making that assumption - when I am allowing myself to be lazy in my opinions and attitudes.

This feels like the beginning of a new cycle. My question is if I give all my colleagues an "A," will that simple change improve the work I do with them? Will that demonstrate for them that I trust them and respect them?

I think the biggest challenge will be go give our manager an A. Right now, we are all quite frustrated with him. Clearly we do not understand what he is doing or where he is coming from. We think we do, and based on the assumptions we've all made, we grow less and less fond of him.

I wonder if there is a way for me to give him an A and somehow impact the attitude the rest of the team has about him - without giving the impression that I'm simply "kissing up" and overlooking all the behaviors that so frustrate us.

Responses and progress all in one week!

Well - this has been quite a week!

So far 8 out of 13 have responded to my survey. Since I've kept it anonymous - I have no way of know exactly which 8... which is good... as I suspect the other 5 may not respond... the email w/ the invitation is surely buried beneath dozens of more recent emails by now. But - I'm keeping the survey open through next week, just in case.

The responses.... well... in some ways they are not all that helpful... but... there are one or two interesting things to note. Nearly all the responses were either "Agree Strongly" or "Agree" ... or some other form of a positive or very positive response (for those questions that had a different set of answers). There was one "no opinion" on one question.

The two things I found most interesting (and will bear some influence on how I format my request for peer reviews I think) was that while the majority of respondents "Agreed Strongly" to the questions asking if they respected me and trusted me... the choices flipped (more said only "Agree") for the questions asking if they know that I respect and trust them. I thought this flip/flop was telling... my colleagues are very sure that they respect and can trust me... but they are not quite as sure that I respect and trust them. So - I now need to explore how I can better demonstrate that trust and respect.

The other thing that I found quite interesting... for the questions where I asked if there had been any improvement (or depreciation) of my communication and my contributions to the team... most of the answers indicated that the quality of my communication and my contributions had stayed the same. A couple of responses indicated that I had improved... none indicated that I done worse. So - while I feel like I'm on the path to improving, the team perceives that I've stayed the same. Now... this could mean that they all think I was great to begin with... ;) But - I think it means that I still have something to work on there. Again - this will come up again in the peer reviews I will request from my colleagues.

Now - on to other progress.

Sign number 1 of progress:
Late in the week before this past week, I received notice of a local and very economical professional development opportunity through our local ASTD chapter. The local chapter offers short (2 hour) workshops/presentations once a month on Friday mornings (8am to 10am... roughly). Recently, they've held these workshops/presentations in a conference room at the hotel adjacent to the building we work in. This month's presentation was on Learning Styles and Cultural Considerations in eLearning design/development. Because this is a professional organization for Training and Development, the presentations are not always so directly related to what we (the eLearning designers/developers) do... As I always do when I see such an opportunity, I sent an email to the group. But - this time I did it a little different. I sent an email to the group and the managers... and rather than just say "look at this interesting event that's happening next week"... I formed the email as a question to the managers... "There is an timely and potentially useful presentation being offered by the Local ASTD chapter next week. It is being offered next door and it is only $20 (per person) to attend. What do we need to do to get the expense approved for any of us who want to attend?" Our manager then said that we should just let the administrative assistant know by Friday if we planned to attend and he would take care of getting the check cut. As it turned out, I and three of my colleagues attended. The presentation itself offered some good information and prompted some interesting discussion on how we as the designers sometimes impose our own preferred learning style on the lesson and forget to consider the other potential learning styles of our audience (clients). The discussion was not extensive, but this is the first time more than one of my colleagues have attended one of these presentations with me... so I consider it a big step. I'm just glad the presentation was interesting and applicable to our work - that will help to encourage future participation.

Sign number 2 of progress:
Instant messaging today w/ the colleague I've been working on the online symposium presentation with. During the course of a mostly social conversation (a little business and also I was beta testing a new site he is working on for a contract job)... he told me how much he appreciates all the ways that I'm working with him... he said that he recognizes how much I've done to help him and he really appreciates it. That's nice... but here is the really good part... he also said that we all (the whole team) need to work harder to recognize and publicly acknowledge each other's value... what we bring to the team. He said that now that he is a senior (yes... he finally made senior... don't know if I've mentioned that in here) he will make an effort to make sure we are all aware of what we all bring to the team - that we all value each other. That is HUGE and it makes me very happy - as I think it could be a real breakthrough if we could make our group dynamics more about acknowledging how much we value each other (and what we value about each other) and less about how frustrated we are w/ the company, our manager, or whatever the gripe of the week is. The gripes will still be there, but we will have something to fall back on... someone's shoulders to stand on... someone to support us in a positive way.

So - my next step is to figure out how to inspire more of the same. I'd like to get started working on peer reviews (for myself). Also - my IM conversation with my colleague today has me thinking that I might want to try a classmate's excellent suggestion of handing out index cards (or something like that) and asking everyone to write one thing (for each person on the team) that they value about their team-mate. I have to think about how best to present it so that it doesn't seem like some kind of party game... and so that it is different from the "Mahvalous" coupons that the company already encourages. Ok... that's all for tonight - gotta make my potluck item for work tomorrow.

The big leap

Finally found a free online survey that met my needs (thank you Zoomarang!) Most of the free sites only allow surveys of about 10 questions. I needed to post a 20 question survey. I'd almost given up on using a free online tool - but then I found Zoomarang. Zoomarang allows for up to 30 questions with their basic (free) service.

I sent out the link to all my colleagues this morning. It will be interesting to see if everyone fills it out. With all the pressure to work more, faster, better, faster, faster, faster, more, more, more... it is easy to put off things that are not "revenue generating." I'm not sure if I'm more nervous that they will fill it out and I will not like the results or that they won't fill it out at all.

My hope is that I get enough results to be able to make a real evaluation of whether or not the team feels that I communicate well and make valuable contributions. Then - based on that data, I will write up a template for a peer review form and ask for more detailed peer reviews. I'm not sure yet if I will ask for peer reviews from everyone or just a randomly selected sample. I will leave the managers (and director) out of the peer review process - as they have a formalized opportunity to review my work on a regular basis.

The long list of questions

The following is a list of all the questions I'm considering for my survey. As I don't want to overwhelm my colleagues - I will have to either refine this list or break the survey in to more than one part (to be delivered at different times). For now - I've only included answer choices where I wasn't sure that I would remember the answer format I intended when I came up w/ the question.

Susan communicates openly and honestly.

Susan helps to maintain the team’s focus.

Susan recognizes and values the talents and abilities of her colleagues.

Susan openly shares skills and knowledge with her colleagues.

Susan encourages her colleagues to acquire new knowledge and gain new skills.

Susan demonstrates respect for her colleagues.

Susan values the ideas and contributions of her colleagues.

Susan actively listens to her colleagues’ ideas.

Susan contributes productive ideas and solutions.

Susan encourages colleagues to share their ideas.

Susan demonstrates that she cares about her colleagues as people.

Susan takes responsibility for her work and her decisions.

Susan encourages a supportive team environment.

Susan makes an effort to learn about her colleagues.

Susan keeps her colleagues informed about the progress on her projects.

Susan demonstrates a commitment to the team.

Susan contributes positively to team morale.

Susan communicates in a clear and positive manner.

Susan demonstrates that she trusts her colleagues.

Susan demonstrates that she feels her colleagues can trust her.

Susan shows respect for her colleagues.



I feel that Susan values me as a team member.

I feel that Susan values me as a person.

I feel informed about what Susan is currently working on.

Susan values my input on her projects.

Susan values the contributions I make to the Education team.

Susan encourages me to express my own ideas.

Susan is open and responsive to my ideas.

Susan encourages me to pursue my own learning and professional development.

Susan is knowledgeable about the work that I do.

Susan takes time to listen to me.

Susan shows an interest in what I have to say.

Susan contributes positively to my morale.

Susan cares about me as a person.

I feel comfortable working with Susan.

I can trust Susan.

I know that Susan trusts me.

I respect Susan.

I know that Susan respects me.

Susan demonstrates honest and ethical behavior.

When Susan contributes information, I ____________.

a. always believe her
b. usually believe her
c. believe her about half of the time
d. usually cannot believe her
e. almost never believe her




Overall, how satisfied are you with Susan’s contributions to the team?

Overall, how satisfied are you with the way Susan communicates?

Overall, how would you rate Susan’s communication skills?


How well do you fell you know Susan?

a. Very well.
b. Fairly well.
c. I know a little about her.
d. I know nothing about her.
e. Knowing about her is not important.

Compared to six months ago, how would you rate the quality of Susan’s communication?

Compared to six months ago, how would you rate Susan’s contributions to the team?

Compared to six months ago, how would your rate your level of trust in Susan?


How long have you worked with Susan?

a. Less than six months.
b. Six months to one year.
c. One to two years.
d. Two to three years.


What best describes your job function?

a. Support staff.
b. Non-supervisory staff and/or team-member.
c. Senior staff and/or team-member.
d. Manager
e. Director

Cycle or not?

The Cycle One quandary. I've posted about his on Bb and I'm about to write up a potential cycle summary... this blog is not exactly a rough draft of that... it is, rather, a place for me to sort of distill my thoughts about the actions I've taking over the last months, why I was so hesitant to call them a cycle while I was taking them, and why now if look back at them and wonder if they are a cycle.

First - to get this out of the way (sort of release it from my conscious and subconscious thoughts)... I'm rather angry (or maybe exacerbated is a better word) with myself. I feel that I allowed myself to sort of cop-out on an opportunity at the beginning and I'm still not completely sure why I did it (although I have to suspect that some sort of fear of failure is part of it). The moment I saw the call for proposals for the virtual eLearning seminar, I knew that it would provide an excellent opportunity for my colleague... at the same time, given the climate at work at that time (and the climate in our department) - I as quite sure that he either would come up with some reason not to do it or would start out interested and then "drop the ball." So - while a made a very deliberate and conscious decision to present the opportunity in a different way from how I'd presented such things in the past - I was reluctant to call it a cycle in my research because I sort of assumed (without giving it any critical thought) that it wouldn't work and I didn't want my first cycle to fail. I told myself that I was waiting until I could set a baseline (w/ survey result) and then continuously found reasons why I could not yet created that survey (and thus the initial baseline) - I didn't realize it at the time... but looking back it seems rather obvious that all my excellent reasons (lit review, survey research, letters of consent, etc) were just clever ways of not allowing myself to view my current actions as part of the project.

So what do I do now? Why do I think in retrospect that my work with this colleague was a cycle? What is a cycle?

What was the issue or problem? - I was feeling a significant amount of stress and potential conflict when I worked with one of my colleagues. I could (and did not want to) simply choose to not work with him - yet when I worked with him on specific projects I found myself constantly frustrated and irritated by both his work style and the way he communicated his ideas. His style (0f work and communication in genera) is often phrenetic and easy to interpret as hyper and lacking focus. My inclination was to avoid working with him... or to try to "rein him in" and get him to adhere to a schedule based on my evaluation of the project needs. This was not working... so I found myself trying to learn how to do the things I needed on my own, so has not to have to ask him for assistance or collaboration. The frustrating part was that I genuinely like him - as a person and as an artist .. and I have a great deal of admiration and respect for his talents as an artist.

This was the situation before I started OMET or my ARP. As I began my initial research for my ARP I began to realize that to work with him, I would have to look at my own work and communication style because I can only make changes to my own practice - not to someone else's. I started by asking myself why I was so very frustrated by his style and realized that while I can also be somewhat hyper and multi-focused (focused on multiple tasks) = his knack for demanding attention on his schedule without regard for the fact that he might be interrupting someone else's focus (my focus) was a significant part of what bothered me. Then I took a close look and realized that it was my responsibility to maintain my focus, that if I didn't want to be pulled away on his whim than I had to protect my own focus and set some boundaries. I started restraining myself from immediately responding to emails and other requests for attention... waiting instead until an appropriate point in my own workflow to stop and pay attention to other things. At first, this caused increased tension because he became frustrated by the fact that he thought I was ignoring him. So - I tried to find ways to maintain my own focus while acknowledging his needs. I discovered that I didn't need to drop everything I was doing and pick up his task - rather I could simple acknowledge that I'd received the email or heard his call and that I would get to it in a bit.

Once I did that, I was able to start listening more carefully (and reading more carefully). On the surface, he was simply trying to share all the fantastic and interesting things he knew and/or was discovering about the various tools he uses and was tasked with teaching the rest of us how to use. By emphasizing his own excitement, he was hoping to ignite a similar excitement in his colleagues. As I looked past the surface, I began to realize that there was something else, something potentially more significant going on. With each of his communications (whether via email or face-to-face) my colleague would preface all information with some variation of one or both of two basic statements... 1- "I'm not a good writer and you guys have to realize that." 2 - "I'm not a teacher and I'm trying to teach teachers... so you all have to cut me some slack." I realized that I was taking these statements at face value and not looking further than that for what he was really saying. As I thought about this, it became clear to me that he was trying to mitigate the possibility that we would criticize either his writing technique or his teaching methods. Once I understood that, I began to listen more carefully... occasionally he would make his statements in ways that could be interpreted as asking for help and guidance (not always... but sometimes).

So - I began to look for opportunities. When I worked with him and/or when we worked with the various tools that he was teaching us how to use, I would "think out-loud" so that he would be privy to how I learn best. When he would try to take over ("Drive" has he calls it) - I would ask him not to and explain that I learn best when I do the work myself with my instructor providing guidance but not just doing it for me (as an "example") and then telling me what was done and how it was done. We began to talk about the different ways that people learn. This was important because it helped him reflect on how he learns and also on the fact that he was trying to teach us all in the same way because he was tasked with teaching us all the same material. I wasn't actually sure that was happening until I heard him talking to someone else about how I and another colleague learned better if we could work directly with the tool, while another team-member preferred to be shown all the basic information and then given written steps to follow.

None of this is what I consider part of a cycle, it is just an example of how I was becoming more aware and what I was doing with that awareness (to affect my own practice).

Once I began practicing a more active type of listening and a more mindful way of paying attention to more than just what was being said - I began to hear and see some signals that my colleague wanted to learn from us as well as teach us. He wanted to learn to be a better writer and a better teacher. So - when I saw the call for proposals, I sent him an email w/ the link and followed it up w/ an instant message (a form of communication he is quite partial to) indicating that I honestly felt he had a great deal to offer and that this would be an excellent opportunity for several reasons. He was interested in the idea of presenting a session at this online symposium but he seemed somewhat reluctant as he did not feel that he could complete the initial task of writing up the proposal. The way he expressed his reluctance was to belittle his own writing by saying something like "I'm not a writer...etc."

In the past I might have let this drop... assuming that as an adult, if actually wanted my help writing the proposal, he would ask (he had asked me to review other written work). This time I didn't do that... instead... I evaluated what was required for the proposal (so that I would know what I was talking about) and then I sat down with him over some morning coffee. For the most part, I listened. I asked him, if he were to make such a presentation, what would he want the attendees to walk away with (in terms of knowledge and/or ability). He had several good ideas. All quite valid and far more eloquent than he gives himself credit for. So - I began to write down what he said (as verbatim as possible). Than I explained what the proposal required and showed him how what he had just described met the requirements of the proposal and also where we would need to supply additional information. I realized as I wrote down his additions, that he is very good with words and knows how to express himself but becomes unsure of that ability when he is required to write it down. When our conversation was done, I showed him what we had and then we tweaked it together. I continued to encourage him throughout the process. This was another important lesson. The encouragement was crucial - he needed and it was something that he was missing in general in our work environment. More specifically - he needed it in terms of his ideas (his "writing") and his ability to teach those ideas to others. He receives a great deal of affirmation of his creative talent and technical skills, but because he consistently tells everyone what a poor writer he is and equally consistently tells everyone that he is not a teacher - he receives little or no encouragement (much less affirmation) in those areas. As we worked on the proposal, I saw his excitement and his confidence (in that he truly did have something of value to offer to a world bigger than just our team) grow.

The proposal was good - I "wordsmithed" it - but they were his ideas and I made sure that our manager and director recognized that. The organization that was sponsoring the online symposium showed interested in the proposal and conducted an extensive telephone interview with my colleague. I was able to witness his conduct during this interview and it was exemplary. The proposal opened the door for the interview, but it was because of the interview that he was asked to present ... not because of the proposal. He presented himself as the knowledgeable, talented, and articulate professional that I knew he was.

Now - I continue to provide assistance (guidance and facilitation) as needed. I've helped him to narrow the outline for his topic so that it should fit into the 75 minute slot. We will work on the power-point presentation slides and the "script" for his live demos together as well. He as begun to write up his initial ideas himself (much in the way I taught him- just writing down his thoughts and worrying about all the grammar and such later). I've seen this confidence carried over into other contexts at work (both in the way he works within the team and also in the way he interacts with other teams and departments). As I continue to reflect on our work together, I also see myself changing my own methods. I find that I've come to better understand the importance of making an effort to connect with my colleagues on more than must a professional level. I've made a more concerted effort to find areas of interest that we share. I've consciously tried to listen in a more active way, whether we are talking about projects at work or interests outside of work.

I regret now that I did not conduct a quick survey at the outset... way back in September or November... so that I would have a true baseline the I could compare to later surveys.

I still wonder if this is a cycle... perhaps - due to my own failings... it is more of a pre-cycle. Either way - it should be written up... it has had a profound effect on my own methods of working and has led to several very important self-realizations (as indicated by previous blog entries).