Realizations

I've spent the last four or five days "waiting" until I had the "time" to post ... but realistically I'll never have the time if I keep waiting for it. One would think that I would have learned that lesson by now.

I picked up a new book a bit over a week ago. I'd finished reading the required and optional books for this term and I was having a particularly frustrating day at work (fixing yet more work done by a former colleague who apparently was much more unhappy than any of us realized ... if the state of his work is any example). By lunch time I had a horrible headache (bordering on a migraine)... I couldn't go home... so I went for a walk instead and ended up at the bookstore (about a 15 min walk from work). The walk helped my headache (just getting out of the building probably did wonders too)... so I was in a much better mood by the time I arrived at the bookstore. As I wandered the isles, several titles caught my eye. As usual, I wanted to buy them all - but I refrained (telling myself that I had to save my "book" money for next term's reading)... but then... I saw a little yellow book sitting on a table full of much larger and more impressive looking books. The title read: "The Art of Possibility - Transforming Professional and Personal Life" by Rosamund Stone Zander and Banjamin Zander. I picked it up, skimmed a bit of it and found that I didn't want to set it back down. Something told me that I could really use this book. I wandered about the store for another 10 minutes or so, carrying the book the whole time, and realized that I truly didn't want to leave there without it... so I bought it.

I've had time now to read about half the book. One of the most profound ideas (for me) expressed is the idea of letting someone start with an A. For example, "labeling" your students from the beginning as "A" students... this does not mean putting on the proverbial rose colored glasses... it doesn't mean "everyone starts with an A and all you have to do is keep it" either. What it really means is a fundamental internal shift in the way we think about the people we work with, the people we teach, the people we relate to, etc. It means that we assume that they are or want to be engaged and passionate about what they are doing, what they are thinking, what they are learning, etc. It means that when we perceive that someone is not engaged, not connected, not "working hard" - that we don't assume that they are lazy, inferior, etc... rather we assume that there is something amiss that is affecting this otherwise excellent, engaged individual.

As I read this book - I think about my attitude at work. I think especially about my own internal dialogue regarding the work that I do and the work that everyone else does. It is difficult and a bit embarrassing to admit - even in a blog or to myself - but I tend to think that I care more than everyone else. As I apply greater scrutiny to myself - I realize that I've often made an assumption that others just don't really care. It goes hand-in-hand with the idea that "if I want something done right, I must do it myself." It is subtle - I recognize the excellent quality of the work so many of my colleagues do... but I also seem to have an assumption that they would rather be doing something else... that they don't care quite as much... don't have quite the passion that I do. I make this assumption more about some than about others... and there are a few people I don't make it about at all... but as I look closely I realize that I'm basing these judgements on my own definition of what demonstrates engagement, commitment, and passion... I also think that by making the assumption that someone else doesn't care ... or doesn't care as much... I relive myself of any responsibility for whatever might be discouraging them... or I give myself permission to not look and see if there is something that I can do to change the environment.

Ironically - without having a label for it until now - I was most guilty of doing this with the colleague that I now find myself working most closely with. Six months ago - I assumed that he just didn't really care anymore. I "recognized" that he had good reason for it (various issues regarding management, lack of recognition, lack of advancement, etc)... but I also "gave-up" on him before ever really thinking about how I might make a difference. I made the assumption that because I didn't have the power to give him a promotion, a raise, or a bonus... (and those were the things he talked about) - that there was "nothing I could do" and I therefore need not try. When I finally realized that there were other things he was looking for and ways that he and I could work together to achieve them - I, in effect, changed his "grade" in my own mind. I went from thinking about him as someone who didn't really care to thinking about him as someone who cares deeply, has great passion for what he does, and was so disillusioned that he had disengaged as a way of protecting himself from disappointment. Once I gave him the "A" - I naturally started to think of him as a talented professional who I wanted to work with. The growth for both of us over the last few months has been amazing.

But- as I read this book - I realize that I have not given everyone I work with an "A." Maybe that is why they are more certain of their trust in me than they are of my trust in them... maybe they sense that I have been harboring a bit of a superiority complex (hiding it from myself as well as from them).

So - my new challenge is to try to do that - to give them all the A. It isn't about giving someone the "opportunity to rise to the occasion." It isn't even about assuming that they can "rise to the occasion." Rather, it is about knowing that they are already there. I need to look at all my colleagues as professionals who are engaged in and passionate about their work. When I see someone who is disconnected - I need to ask my self "what is amiss.. what has affected this normally passionate and engaged colleague?" I need to stop giving myself permission to be lazy and simply assume that they don't care as much as I do. I need to be carefully aware of when I am making that assumption - when I am allowing myself to be lazy in my opinions and attitudes.

This feels like the beginning of a new cycle. My question is if I give all my colleagues an "A," will that simple change improve the work I do with them? Will that demonstrate for them that I trust them and respect them?

I think the biggest challenge will be go give our manager an A. Right now, we are all quite frustrated with him. Clearly we do not understand what he is doing or where he is coming from. We think we do, and based on the assumptions we've all made, we grow less and less fond of him.

I wonder if there is a way for me to give him an A and somehow impact the attitude the rest of the team has about him - without giving the impression that I'm simply "kissing up" and overlooking all the behaviors that so frustrate us.