One step at a time

I need to do more official ARP work - although I can see how my relationships at work are being very positively effected (and affected) by all the reading I've done for my ARP and by the work I've done in other courses (both last term and this term - especially mentoring).... I need to officially start cycle one and I need to start being more diligent about writing my reflections in this blog rather than in person notes on paper and in other blogs as sort of tangential to what I'm reflecting on in those blogs.

I've set this Thursday (two days) as my personal deadline for composing my final draft of my informed consent letter and posting it on Bb for some peer review. I've set this weekend as my personal deadline for my first set of survey questions.

As far as work is concerned - it is very interesting to be part of and to observe from the outside at the same time. We - the small team of learning developers and instructional technologists (sans the managers) have grown much closer on a strictly personal/social level. The turmoil in the greater environment (corporation) has brought us together but has also made us more wary of everything that is not "one of us." On some levels this is a good thing because we rely on each other more, confide in each other more, and recognize each other's value more. On other levels this may not be so good - we feed into each other's suspicion of the "outsiders" (management for the most part), we tend to support each other in our opinions and attitudes even when those opinions and attitudes are not necessarily the most productive.

I've found that I've changed the way I voice what optimism I still have. I do believe that our team is safe (or at least as safe as any team can be in a for-profit, publicly traded, corporation) - but when we have conversations I also voice my concerns regarding how the corporation and our managers are communicating with us. I still voice the optimism too, but I mitigate it w/ the admission that I also see the disconnects and fell the frustration that others are feeling. I'm not being dishonest or disingenuous in doing this - I do see these things and feel the same frustration and concern that others do. I've found that if I articulate that along with the optimism other members of the team are more comfortable because they no longer feel that they are alone in their concern. What I am very aware of though is the danger of wallowing in that concern and not seeking other options, different approaches, or even solutions. So, when we are all discussing whatever pain points we have on a given day, I'm careful to try to bring the conversation around to options and possible solutions or alternate approaches at some point. For a while, I was the only one doing that and was general met with the attitude (or even the exact words) "...it's always been this way, there is nothing we can do to change it..." Recently, I've noticed that on occasion, I no longer get that response. I don't know if that means that attitudes are changing or if it means that everyone has just accepted that I'm trying to offer options and is just "letting me do my thing."

One really bright spot is how my relationship with L has evolved (I could probably use his real name in here... his websites are referenced on more than one of mine... but I'll forgo for now). Over a year ago now I began to sense that our relationship was becoming somewhat adversarial - good natured but not really what I would call productively supportive. In the last several months, I've made a concerted effort to stop assuming that he is being purposely obtuse or difficult. I've tried to really listen to what he is (and isn't) saying, to observe how he "is" when he is excited about something and when he isn't, and to take an interest in more of the things he does outside of work or on projects not connected to the projects I'm currently working on. I finally realized that even though he's been tasked with teaching the rest of us how to use the variety of technical applications we require (Flash, etc), there are several skills of his own that he would like to develop professionally and that he feels he could use help with. He was not asking for that help directly but he was making comments that sounded self-deprecating in a humors way but were really indications that he would like some professional development of his own. So, I began offering to work with him on specific projects or tasks (such as the proposal to present at the online conference) and at the same time asked him for assistance with my own work (Flash, illustrations, Fireworks and graphics stuff, etc). I also started watching a soap-opera with both him and another colleague during lunch a couple of days a week. Joining them for the soap opera viewing has become an important bonding activity. Working with L has become increasingly better and more satisfying over the last several weeks. Working on the proposal for the online conference was the lynch-pin.

We found out while I was at FETC that he has indeed been invited to present - so now I'm working with him to complete the rest of the paperwork and put together a solid outline for the presentation. He has gained a new sense of security in his job partially because of this outside (outside of the company) recognition of the value he (and his knowledge and expertise) offers. He has gained a new sense of confidence within the company because management is now impressed as well (nothing like being invited to present for a "conference" to get the management to notice you). I've also watched his own self-confidence grow as we worked on this project. What is most remarkable to me is that just a few short months ago I didn't recognize that there was a need for greater self-confidence there. Now, I wonder how I could have missed that. He is still the same extremely hyper and easily distractable person (which is one of the things that frustrated me in the past) - but I find that I just sort of accept that now as an integral part of his nature and am not so frustrated by it.

Ok... enough for tonight... I really need to start writing in here a little bit several times a week ... rather than a huge novel a few times a month.