Same focus, new direction

The last TI session and MM's comments on my research plan modifications have had a significant impact on my thinking. I realized that although finding out how I communicate and how my peers perceive that I communicate is still at the crux of what I want to do (at least for cycle one) - I wasn't really being clear with myself why I wanted to know these things. I've been spending so much time trying to research communication and personality styles that I became too caught up in what and how and completely neglected why. So - in the 11th hour (of the Lit Review anyway), I've gone back to the proverbial (ok and literal) drawing board. For the Thanksgiving holiday (which began for me on Wed), I put away all my books and articles on communication/conflict/personality types. I gave all the research a rest and just spent some time with myself, thinking about why. The work of two of the Cadre 6 students (as recommended by MM) helped me in this inner journey quite a bit. Especially the work on leadership. I came to realize that although I am not (at the moment) in a pre-defined leadership role (a "manager" or "project manager") that doesn't mean that what I do doesn't impact the team. In fact, perhaps what I do and say has more impact than I'm aware of.

So - I spent time considering how we function as a team (and what happens when we don't). What are our common complaints when we have our little b**ch sessions with each other. What our common joys. The more I thought about why we work so well together and what the circumstances are when we don't work so well - the more I started seeing the word trust in my mind. Let's pursue that thought... do we trust each other? Yes, I think we do most of the time. More to the point at least for the beginning of this project, do I trust the members of my team and do they trust me? Again, I think the answer is yes most of the time. I wonder a bit about when the answer might be "no"... or "maybe." So - where in the team is the trust weak? Do we trust our superiors/supervisors? Do we trust our colleagues who are not direct members of the team but still our associates in other aspects of our work? Do we trust the organization we work for? Why do we trust or not trust? Finally - how can I have an effect (or affect?) on the level of trust? I wondered, is this train of thought was dramatically different from my original focus on communication? Hmmmm... no... I don't think so. Not at a fundamental level. Afterall - how can trust be developed and nurtured if not through communication? No - I think this train of thought is just a deeper understanding of why I want to understand how I communicate and how I function in the team. Because, in the end, as much as I want people to like me (and, of course I do), if I'm honest with myself, it is even more important that I know people can trust me, that they can depend on me, that the know me.

With all those thoughts in my head, I went in search of literature about teams and trust. I found a treasure trove (thanks to Google Scholar in conjunction with the Pepperdine Library). I also found that I've been far more excited about reading this literature than I was about reading the literature on communication/conflict/personality styles. Of course, this means a big, stressful push for the Lit review now... but that's ok. In the end, I think this is a much more honest and complete approach and will be much more valuable for me (and hopefully a few other people too).

Ok... back to the review writing. :)

Better questions and a little fear.

As I read through various books on communication styles , I've come to the conclusion that my first step (first cycle?) will be to take one or more communication and/or personality tests and then asking my peers to also take the tests but to fill them out not for themselves but as a way of evaluating me... kind of scary... but I think it will produce more objective results than simply interviewing them or asking them questions which I've come up with personally. I will then correlate the results to see first - if there is any relationship between what I find based on my own answers, and what my colleagues perceive about me. Ok... this isn't kind of scary, this is REALLY scary... what happens if they perceive me to be entirely different from the way I see myself? My next step (not sure if this is still cycle 1 or the beginning of cycle 2) will be to share the results with my team/colleagues and explore the correlations and differences. I'd like to have a discussion about how each person thinks I can improve my communication with them - not sure yet if these would be private meetings, some kind of group discussion, or both. I have to be careful to not encroach on their time too much or too often, as everyone feels that they are under a great deal of pressure right now.

Walking and blogging

It occurs to me that I have not blogged as much in the last 2 months as I did before that. I was thinking about why that is... some of it is, of course, that Bb, Lit review notes, Sue's class, etc all seem to consistently get a higher place on the list of my priorities. But - yesterday while walking to work, I realized something else... the real beginning of this sort of slacking off (where the blogging is concerned) started around the same time I moved to the new house and started walking to/from work. Most days I walk the route four times (to in the morning, home for lunch, back after lunch, and then home at the end of the day). In addition to the fresh air, these walks provide a wonderful environment for reflection. So - I 've been doing quite a bit of my reflection while walking. I need to make time to blog about these reflections, especially the ARP related ones.

It was while walking to work a few weeks ago that the idea occurred to me to take some basic personality tests/communication style tests, complete them myself, and then ask my peers to complete them as well.. but the twist is I won't ask them (at first) to complete them from a personal point of view - rather, I want them to answer the questions in terms of how they view my personality and communication style. Then I'll compare their answers with my own. I'm most curious to see how different people perceive me. Today, as I walked, I thought about what I would do with the results. I realized that to make sense of them, I would also need to have some understanding of the personality/communication style of my peers... so, I will probably have to ask them to fill at least one of the questionnaires (for lack of a better term) for themselves as well. Now the big question - What am I going to do with all that information once I have it. Do I intend the change something about the way I communicate? Maybe... (it's a matter of degrees, I suspect)... Maybe closer to the truth would be that I want to know if I should change what I communicate more than how I communicate. I wonder if each of us are in someone missing out on the "what."

Sort of related to this - one of the things we do during some of our general design meetings is cover some basic writing skills (sort of a brush-up). We are fortunate to have several excellent writers on our team, and one in particular who knows just about all there is to know about formal writing. Occasionally, we doe little worksheets together... A la "What is wrong with this sentence..." Generally - these are helpful because they directly relate to some common types of phrases that we use in our instructional materials. But - the other day we did one where about half of the items were indeed common misconceptions (or misuse) of certain words (such as the word "due") - but didn't really apply directly to the work we do (some of the words and rules were more arcane than "due" and not words that we commonly use in our instructional writing). Personally I didn't mind the exercise, but as I watched the rest of the ten, I noticed that several people were somewhat frustrated. I think this frustration was a combination of feeling inadequate (because they didn't know the specific rules being referred to) and of feeling like their time was being wasted (after all, we all have projects due and deadlines to meet... We generally see the value in our design meetings... but this time several people didn't). Yet - no one came right out and asked "Why are we doing this w/ these specific words/rules?" "How does this apply to our current projects?" My suspicion, based on the last couple of excellent courses I've reviewed, is that there were not enough examples from our own work that required attention this time around, so the organizer of this interaction felt it was necessary to go searching for something to include in the exercise. Several months ago, I would not have questioned this at all - especially since I don't really mind such exercises. Now - I have to wonder "Why is this exercise even necessary at this time?" "What is the real goal of it?"

Ok - enough on that for now.

One other quick note, mostly for myself. I still intend to change our office geography - but I have to rethink how, now that we've moved more people into our area. Not everyone in the area would benefit from a more open space. Some of this is already solved because those that need the most "quiet" space have their own offices or have cubes that are set somewhat apart from the double cube quads shared by the design/development team.

That's it for tonight... must get back to reading for the lit review... or perhaps sleep... yes.. sleep would be good too.

Cross post from general Blog.

The talk of deadlines and expectations in Gary's class has led to some significant personal reflection. I figured I'd better post some of it in my Blog. This applies to both my general coursework and to my ARP - so I'm going to cross post this in both blogs. Later - I hope to elaborate on the correlation between my optional book for Gary's class (see title below), the book SLACK (currently reading that for ARP lit-review), the discussion of deadlines/expectations, etc. For now, I only mention that correlation briefly at the end of this blog - to remind myself of what I want to reflect on later.

I've always been (or identified myself anyway) as a rather "goal oriented" ("Type A") personality; the "perform well under pressure" type. As such - I never much minded deadlines and, in fact, I used them as sort of a litmus test for my own proficiency. I'm the girl that generally shows up on time for every meeting, always tries to leave in plenty of time to get to where she's going, HATES missing the previews at the cinema or the pre-concert discussion at the symphony, etc. The really annoying type. :)

The idea of no pre-set (pre-stated) deadlines (or of soft/flexible deadlines) was a bit disconcerting for me at first (to say the least). However, as I work with it, I find it liberating in many ways. Rather than focus on a due date and the limit of what I think I can accomplish within a pre-specified amount of time, I find that I focus more on what I'm learning, accomplishing, and struggling with at any given moment. I don't watch the clock or the calendar, I watch the (forgive me) process. The work becomes about the work and not about the time. I find that I like this approach so much that I'm trying to incorporate into other parts of my life. Ironically, I find that I generally work faster w/o a hard deadline. Possibly as a byproduct of the corporate world (can anyone say "efficiency"?), if I am given a hard deadline, I tend to plan everything around that timeline so that I don't finish too soon or too late. Without a deadline, I find that I work until I feel I am done (or done w/ a stage). I also get more excited and deeply involved in the work that I do for the sake of the work and not for the sake of meeting a specific date or specific set of pre-defined expectations. When I observe this tendency from outside myself, I find that I've always worked that way on personal projects (art work, costume design and creation, creative writing, DIY projects, pleasure reading, hiking, etc.).

My new challenge is - how do I bring this practice into my professional life while still remaining accountable for someone else’s timeline? How do I approach work that has a pre-defined due date (and list of expectations/criteria) with the same open attitude and attention to the process? This is something I will continue to contemplate throughout my ARP work, as it may have a significant impact on both team-communication and team-project management (which are central to my ARP).
Currently, I'm reading Slack: Getting Past Burnout, Busywork, and the Myth of Total Efficiency. Concurrently, I'm reading Thinking in Jazz: The Infinite Art of Improvisation. The correlation between these two books, my current ARP questions, and this discussion of deadlines/expectations is stronger than I might have imagined when I picked up these two books.